Houston...we have a problem...

So, I lived out one of "those" stories that my friends tell me should be written down and shared. Let me preface it again with, THIS DOES NOT MEAN I LOVE OR RESPECT MY HUSBAND ANY LESS! This is just one of those things that proves no matter how long you've been married, no matter how well you think you know each other, if you don't communicate effectively with each other, we can't read each other's minds!

Our tenth anniversary was a couple of weeks ago. Brandon, my husband, wouldn't tell me where we were going. So I started to let my mind run wild. Well, not too wild because I knew we shouldn't afford to do anything outlandish. But I thought surely for our tenth anniversary, a milestone, that we would go somewhere new or more extravagant than normal. I had a dress and shoes already picked out. I don't have many options of how to wear my hair, but I thought I'd do something a little different. I was thinking that in the past we had gone to a few really fantastic places and that this year would at least be like those places, or maybe even better!

Let me back up to our wedding...Brandon HATES chocolate. Absolutely can't stand it, and doesn't understand most people's obsession with it. I also learned recently that apparently grooms cakes are a southern tradition. Going along with that, it's tradition that the bride's cake is white and the groom's cake is chocolate. That's just the way it is. But Brandon said he wanted a strawberry cake. His favorite (when he was still eating sugar and wheat) was actually the boxed cake, and it's specific...it HAS to be the strawberries and cream icing, not just plain strawberry. But being the bridezilla that I was (I wasn't really, but I didn't want my groom having a pink girly cake), I wouldn't "approve" the pink cake. Looking back, what did it really matter?

So, I thought I would try to find out where we were going for dinner, and have a pink cake made and take it in advance as a surprise to him. I won't name names, but someone informed me of where we'd be going. I can't say I wasn't disappointed. In my head, I had let myself build up the venue to be The Tower of Americas, or La Mansion, or The Lodge, or something along those lines. But, I continued to pretend I had no idea. I talked with my favorite baker about making the infamous pink cake, but we both had concerns that it might not work out the way we wanted using Brandon's box cake and canned icing. Then the venue charged a fee for bringing in outside dessert, so I just threw in the towel. He still doesn't know what I was planning. :)

Earlier that day, he tells me we need to leave a few minutes earlier because we have to stop by his office to pick up the coupon for dinner. WHAT!?!?! A COUPON for our anniversary dinner?!?!?! I'm not even worth full price on our tenth anniversary?!?! And we're going to a place that even ACCEPTS coupons? but I digress...

That evening, he got dressed before I did. I purposefully waited until the last minute because I didn't want to put on my great cocktail dress and sparkly sandals if he was not dressed to match. He came downstairs in jeans with holes in them, and an untucked dress shirt he doesn't even deem dressy enough to wear to church. In my head, I'm asking myself "Is this really what he thinks of me after ten years? Torn jeans?" I wanted to scream or cry, but I didn't want to start a fight. Because I don't have a clue of how to even play poker, I obviously wouldn't own a poker face.

I came downstairs in my jeans, cute sandals and a dress shirt, and he says, "You're wearing THAT?" Really?!?! He was asking ME if I was wearing what I had on? I explained if he was wearing jeans and he thought it was fine, then I would dress to match him. He said, "I thought you'd AT LEAST put on a dress." Grrrrrr....why would I if he's in jeans? He says, "Should I have worn something different?" I continue to assure him that everything is fine. He knows where we're going, and if he's dressed appropriately, and I match him, that it's fine. He isn't buying it. But again, I don't want to fight. We did that on our second anniversary and it was miserable!

He says, "I'll tell you where we're going so you can decide what we'll wear." I continue to tell him it is fine, and I'm getting irritated that I'M reassuring HIM. He finally says where we're going, and then asks if that wasn't a good choice. I explain as nicely as I can, that because we didn't communicate, I had one idea in my head and he had a completely different in his, and that neither was right or wrong, it just wasn't the same idea so we both ended up being disappointed.

I explained that for future reference, I stay at home with children all day. I don't get to dress up often. And normally I wouldn't care where or if we went out for our anniversary but that the tenth one seemed pretty significant. I reminded him that we had often talked about having a vowel renewal, but I knew that we shouldn't do something so irresponsible with our money. I also knew we weren't leaving our kids for some amazing honeymoon. But I thought we'd at least "do up" dinner. I explained I thought he'd wear his summer linen suit and I'd wear my cute dress and sandals. And he says in the quietest voice, "I thought I did a good job." I felt terrible. I hadn't meant to make him feel bad. He did do a good job. He planned it all, which alone, is HUGE for him. We just had two different ideas in our heads from not communicating.

It goes to show you, it doesn't matter how long you've been married, you can still do everything right and get it wrong. I'm not just talking about my husband, but me too. I knew ten years ago that my husband is frugal and it wouldn't be beyond him to use a coupon for our anniversary. I knew ten years ago that he's not one for crowds or dressing up or making a big fuss. He also knew ten years ago that I'm just the opposite. :)